Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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