My cat gives me a boner
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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