I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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