He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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