He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
