you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
