I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
