I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
