Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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