The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
