Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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