He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
