we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
