I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
