um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
