i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
