I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
