we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize