Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
