I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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