Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just cropdusted the office
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
