with your own penis?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize