I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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