Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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