I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
