People in love make me want to vomit
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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