Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
