Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
