Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
