Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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