Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
