Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
