His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize