There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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