The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
