She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
