I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
