I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
