My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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