If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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