ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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