Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
