i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
