At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
