Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
