so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Fuck appropriateness.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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