walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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