Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
