He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
