Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
