Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
