my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
