You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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