If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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