can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
