It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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