You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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