fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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