apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
