I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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