Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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