I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
