I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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